A Christmas without him..

Christmas lanterns are hanging, Christmas lights continue glowing and Santa Statues have been scattered everywhere. The Daddy and the older brother are both busy building Christmas tree while the mother and the baby sister are decorating it. Great, what a big happy family.

Children are going from home to home singing Christmas songs, they’re so happy as if they don’t have any problems. Stores are crowded because people are too busy looking for Christmas present and they’re all smiling. Kids can’t help their selves from getting excited hoping they’ll meet Santa Claus.

I can already feel cold air of Christmas yet I can’t feel its essence even though all around me seems to remind the spirit of Christmas.

How?...

How can celebrate Christmas if I’m not complete? If something is missing like a piece of puzzle that can never be found. I hate to spoil the happiness from their faces so I just pretend to be alright in front of them but the truth is the totally opposite. I’m not okay, I’m not even close of being alright because I miss him.

Staying in this cold dark room gave me enough time to reminisce those times when I’m with him. I wasn’t like this before, I was a happy girl until I lost him. I miss hearing his voice, I miss listening to his stories, I miss laughing with him. I miss everything about him. Too bad, no matter how much I wanted to have him this Christmas he will no longer come back and I bet his happy right now.

I wonder if he’s seeing  what I’m doing right now? Does he? Because sometimes I can feel his presence even if I can’t see him. Those decorations, foods and gifts are useless. I don’t need all those things. I need my grandpa with me. This is the first Christmas that I’ll be celebrating without him. God, I miss him so much but I know I can’t do about it anymore. So for him, I’ll enjoy this Christmas because I know we didn’t want me to be sad. Life must go on as they said but I’ll treasure forever every Christmas with him.

I think all that matters in Christmas is your family. Being with them is the greatest give you can ever receive in Christmas and that’s the essence of it.